Contingent Read online

  “How did you find out?” I leaned on the doorframe separating the living room and foyer.

  “I have my ways.” She took a sip of her wine, her pink lipstick marking the wine glass. “Henry paid me a visit.”

  “And you chose to stay, knowing that I used you?”

  Devon stood less than a foot away from me. Her eyes spout the anger she felt. “I was born to be your wife, Peyton. That has been my life plan since I was a kid. I worked hard to get here and I won’t let some white trash bimbo ruin it all.” Her manicured nails stabbed at my chest. “I will be the wife to the McAllister heir.”

  “Though I will never love you.” My words hurt her. I could tell by the way her eyebrows scrunched.

  “You will learn to love me, Peyton. And you will stop seeing her or I will go to the press with it.” The evil inside of her showed in the smile that appeared on her face. “I will ruin her career.”

  “You will do no such thing.”

  “Try me. I dare you.” She took another sip of her wine and walked back to the kitchen. “You will not make me look like a fool. I don’t care how you have to get through this. We are getting married.”

  “Who are you, Devon?” I shook my head, looking at the strange women in front of me. “You’ve made a name for yourself, you’re beautiful, and you can have any man you want.”

  “I am a woman scorned.” Her hand trailed the top of the countertop as she strode away towards the bedroom.

  Braelynn

  Two Months Later

  Kennedy picked me up after work and brought me to Long Island for a girl’s night. Once we got into town, she drove us straight to a spa. Two hours later, my fingernails were bright red and the aching muscles of my back were gone. We left the spa and headed straight to dinner on the water. It had felt like a lifetime since we had a day to ourselves.

  After dinner, we sat on the deck listening to the crashing waves. Curled up in a blanket, the fire pit burned as we shared our fears. Her fear was becoming a mother, my fear was never loving anyone again. At midnight Kennedy walked to the kitchen and returned with two pints of Talenti. I smiled up at her, her bright blue eyes blinked at me before she wished me happy birthday.

  As I sat on the tile floor of her shower the following day, all I thought about was that I wanted nothing more than to sleep through this day. The hot water cascaded over my bare body. I hugged my knees pulling them closer to myself. I knew this day would come. There was no way I could skip my birthday this year, not when my friends had everything planned.

  Last year I’d celebrated my birthday high. This year was supposed to be different. When I left rehab at the beginning of the year, I had plans for my life, and that included spending my birthday with Haas.

  But Haas had let me go.

  The day after he’d left me in my kitchen . . . that dreadful hour when I’d begged him to either be with me or leave me alone was the last time I had spoken to him. It had been over sixty days, but each passing second still felt like it was yesterday.

  Landon had been traveling for the new season and my work schedule grew longer with more hours each week. The time we spent with each other consisted of us looking into the cameras of our laptops. We had plans to see each other in person over the past two months, but we always ended up rescheduling. He had no inkling that it was my birthday, nor did I plan on telling him.

  I just wanted the day to pass.

  “Lynnie?” Kennedy spoke through the closed bathroom door. “You okay?” she questioned. I looked at my prune hands and knew why she was concerned. I must have been in there close to an hour.

  “Yeah, I’ll be right out.”

  Once I was dressed, I joined Kennedy for coffee in the kitchen. She wrapped her arms around me, “Happy Birthday!”

  I chuckled. “Thanks. I’m officially old.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Because twenty-six is so old.”

  I lifted the coffee pot, pouring myself a cup. Looking out to the ocean, you could see the sun rising in the distance. The natural light warmed Kennedy’s home. “A person could never get sick of this view,” I said, sipping on my morning joe.

  “Are you sure you have to leave so soon?” Kennedy stood next to me watching the waves afar crashing into the sand. The sound was therapeutic this early in the morning.

  We both stood in front of the glass sliding door looking out at ocean. “Yeah, I have to meet Gus for lunch and it’s your first shift at the clinic. Plus Caleb will be home later from his business trip and I’m sure you will want your privacy.”

  Kennedy had gone back to work at an urgent care where people would swing by without an appointment if they were feeling ill.

  “I love you, Lynnie,” Kennedy said, her voice soft.

  I leaned my head on her shoulder. “I love you too, Kennedy.”

  I sat at Serendipity III waiting for Gus to arrive. Of course, he was late. I snickered at the birthday text messages Loren had sent me. She had called in the wee hours of the morning and had sent me a text message every half hour. She and I had celebrated my birthday the weekend prior with dinner and a show in the city.

  I tucked my phone back in my purse and watched out for Gus. Serendipity III was a small restaurant that had the most amazing frozen hot chocolates. It also had been featured in a movie so there was always a wait. Sitting in the back room, I admired the crafty menu filled with art work before tossing it on the white table.

  In my peripheral I spotted her; she was impossible to miss. Melissa was walking towards my table. Her eyes locked with mine and she smiled.

  “Braelynn, hi! I thought that was you when you sat down.” She opened her arms wide.

  “Melissa, hi!” Matching her excitement, I stood and hugged her. “How are you?” I missed her. She was fun and spunky, but since she was Haas’s assistant we’d kept it strictly professional. She was the only female in PH Esquire who was around my age and I liked her.

  “Exhausted from shopping and these shoes are killing me.” She lifted her feet to show me her strappy shoes.

  “Sit.” I extended my hand to Gus’s empty chair.

  “How’s the new job?” Melissa crossed her hands on the white table, her eyes wide as she leaned forward.

  “Stressful,” I huffed. “Long hours, long weeks, but I love it. It’s what I’ve always wanted to do.” The last time I saw Melissa was the day I took the job with the DA. To avoid any conflict of interest, the second I said yes I resigned from PH Esquire. I barely got to say goodbye before I was walking out the door. I had thought Haas and I were going to figure our mess out and I would continue to see her.

  “That’s great, Braelynn.” Her smile grew wider, genuine happiness lighting her face. “We all miss you at PH. It’s not the same since you left.”

  The way she said all made me think of him. Well, that was a lie. He was always on my mind.

  “How’s Taylor?” I asked, quickly changing the subject.

  Though Melissa and Haas’s baby brother tried to hide it from most, I knew there was something more between her and Taylor. It was the way her eyes sparkled when he was around. The way he looked at her. There was no denying that there was something brewing.

  Her eyes shot up with surprise. “You know?”

  “I always suspected.”

  “He was a fling.” Her hand waved in the air, brushing it off. “It can’t ever be anything serious between us. He’s never going to commit to me and even if he did, I work for his brother. There has to be a conflict of interest somewhere in there.” She chuckled. Though she seemed nonchalant about their hook-up, I knew from the smile on her face she was telling me a lie.

  “Don’t talk to me about conflict of interest.” I tossed my hands up in the air. “I was an intern screwing the defense attorney.” I joined her chuckling. “The most unethical thing possible.”

  Melissa’s face changed in the blink of the eye. She leaned forward on the table, her smile faded from her face. “He’s not the same you know?”

 
; “Huh?” I knew what she was referring to, but I couldn’t bring myself to say his name.

  “Peyton . . .” Melissa’s eyes pulled away from mine and aligned the silverware in front on her. “He’s different now.”

  “Yeah.” I shrugged, trying not to cry. “He’s engaged.”

  “Braelynn . . .” Her words fell short.

  Gus and Loren always said that I carried my emotions on my sleeves. It was true; I couldn’t mask my pain. My shoulder shrugged as the tears pooled in my eyes. “It’s the truth. He left me, and it’s been months, not to mention he has a wife-to-be in his arms.”

  “He misses you.”

  “I think he misses how easy I gave myself to him.” It wasn’t fair for me to tell Melissa about this. He was her boss and she respected him, but I couldn’t stop the words from slipping out.

  “I don’t think so.” Melissa shook her head in disbelief. “I’ve been his assistant for the past five years. Peyton loves you. He had always been about work, never cared to really get to know his employees on a personal level. He had always been strictly business, but you changed that in him. He grew into a different person, a caring person because of you.”

  I took a sip of my water to cool the burning in my chest. “It still doesn’t change the fact that he’s marrying someone else.” My trembling hands placed the glass on the table.

  “But he’s not happy,” Melissa barked. “I know he’s not happy. He works long hours now, longer than before. And he works every single weekend.”

  I inhaled, the reality had set in a while back, he could’ve not been happy with Devon but he was still with her. By choice.

  I took a deep breath, preparing to tell Melissa the exact same thing I told myself every time I looked in the mirror early in the morning. “I know him, his quirks, his dislikes. I know everything about him. I’m the only person who understands his awful humor.” I smirk. “When we go out to eat, I know exactly what he wants to order. He’ll always have two options and will pick the healthier one, so I end up ordering what he really wants so he can pick at it. I know him. Devon doesn’t. It doesn’t matter how long they knew each other prior. I know the real him. What makes him tick, when he can’t mask his pain. How there are times he drops the workaholic persona and becomes this thirty-year-old man. All of that, I know, because unlike her I know him. The real him.”

  “Where are you going with this?” Melissa questioned.

  “I know him and he wouldn’t be with her unless he really wanted too.” It was the hard reality. Pity appeared on her face, she looked at me, the girl who sat across from her; unable to hide my broken heart for a man I desperately loved.

  I was an addict, pills were my vice; they numbed the pain in my body and drowned the voices in my head. But I was able to seek out help. I got clean and though the urges appeared every once in a while, I could get help. Haas had become my addiction. I needed him in my life, and unfortunately for me there was no fixing that. There was no help to stop that urge.

  It had been such a long time since I had felt Haas’s hands on my body. My fingers grasped the comforter on my bed, hugging it to my body, hoping that it was Haas. I missed him. There was no other way to describe it. I missed everything about him. I had contemplated the idea of reaching out to him but I resisted the longing. I didn’t know if it was the conversation I had with Melissa or that fact that it was my birthday but I wanted him. After my quick encounter with Melissa and lunch with Gus I was ready for bed. It was still early in the afternoon but I was prepared to put this birthday behind me. I lied to Gus saying that I had a migraine and was going to bed early. I had lay in bed for countless hours trying to fall asleep but failing miserably. I peered at the clock on my nightstand. It was close to midnight. Only an hour had passed since the last time I checked. Tomorrow would be a new day I reminded myself.

  The door to my bedroom creaked and I looked up, expecting to see Gus. He had plans to go out for the night and had insisted I’d join. I thought it was him begging me to get ready.

  But it wasn’t.

  Haas’s tall frame stood in front of my now closed bedroom door. I leaned back on my headboard, our eyes glued to one another. I wanted him to crawl into bed with me, but my heart began to screech with pain. For every step I took forward, he was there to pull me back. I had not heard from him in months and there he was staring back at me, on the night of my birthday, like nothing ever happened. It was like I’d wished for him and he appeared.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “Gus let me in. He was on his way out.” He took a step towards my bed.

  “You need to leave.” I pulled my comforter higher on my body to shield me from him.

  “I can’t, Lynn. It’s your birthday and I want to show you how much I love you. I want to play.” He began to loosen his tie around his neck.

  Enough! Rage woke my weary body. “What, Haas? She can’t fuck like I can?” I tossed my covers off my now overheated body. “Devon doesn’t let you tie her up? Or does her pussy not taste as good as mine?”

  “I need you, not her. I need you and it has to be now.” He laid his tie on my dresser and started unbuttoning his shirt.

  “Fuck you! I’m not your quick fuck before you run home to your future wife. You have a room for fucking. Drag her scrawny ass in there.” Imagining Haas and Devon coiled together was a fucking nightmare.

  He closed the gap between us with a few short strides. His hands wrapped around my neck as he pulled me against his rigid body.

  “Your fucking mouth, Lynn. It does things to me.” He brought his lips to mine. I kept my mouth shut, but he licked my lips. “I want you. Don’t make me ask again. I want to play, doll.”

  Unable to deny myself of what I really wanted, I opened my mouth for him. His tongue twirled with mine and my hands tugged at his hair as he rammed his hard cock against my stomach.

  Haas wrapped his hands under my arms, lifting me up. My legs wrapped around his abdomen as he sat on the edge of my bed. I continued to unbutton his shirt, tracing the edges on his pecs. His mouth roamed my neck, his soft kisses making me whimper under his touch.

  I ignored my subconscious that scolded me. I bypassed the fact that he was engaged to her. It was my birthday and I was unwrapping my birthday present. He tugged on my oversized T-shirt, tossing it over my head in one fluid movement. My breasts hung heavy and my nipples perked. His tongue twirled around my nipple before sucking on it lightly.

  He stood, carrying me with him. His hands held my back as he lay my on my bed, his body covering mine. His fingertips slid down my body, taking my booty shorts with them. My body felt warm, anticipating when he would take me.

  He was the hunter crawling over his helpless prey.

  “You, Braelynn Scott Wolf, are breathtaking,” he whispered, kissing a path between my breasts. “Let me love you. Let me have you.”

  His lips caressed my collarbone. Teasing me even further he moved up to my neck. I would combust within seconds of giving myself to him but as my birthday present I wanted Peyton, the tender, affectionate, loving man that owned my heart and soul.

  My hands framed his face, and my fingers coiled around his thick chestnut hair. Locking my eyes with his hazel swirled ones, I whispered against his lips, “Make love to me, Peyton.”

  I grazed my tongue along his indulgent lips. “Heal my heart and be mine.”

  I blinked and felt the tear that dripped down the side of my face. “Even if it’s just for tonight.”

  He grunted. His hands enveloped around my body bringing our beating hearts closer to one another. I knew we would spend the rest of the night tangled together. He would control my pleasures and make me whimper, as he demanded when I would come. But first he would be my Peyton and make love to me like he used too.

  The noise coming from outside of my room woke me up. My eyes peeled open to my empty bed. Haas was gone.

  Like a thief in the night, he came and took another piece of me then left.

  For a
few hours, behind those four walls, we were together, in love, and nothing else mattered. But that was for a few hours, behind these four walls. The truth that he would never be mine the way I wanted him to, began to pull me down. There was no guilt for what we had done, no sorrow.

  I was numb.

  The desire to fall into the black hole again began to press on my chest. Longing for a few hours away from my mind, I kicked the suffocating comforter off my body and got out of bed.

  The banging in the kitchen told me Gus was up, so I used the restroom before joining him in the kitchen.

  “Morning, baby girl.” He handed me a mug filled with coffee.

  “Hey,” I mumbled.

  “I didn’t know you were speaking to Peyton again.” Gus walked over to the stove. Adding the scrambled eggs into the sautéed vegetables, he looked over at me.

  “It’s complicated.” I leaned my head down, massaging my scalp with the tips of my fingers.

  “You need to put a stop to it.” It wasn’t a suggestion.

  “I’ve tried.”

  “Not try, baby girl. You need to end it.”

  “I can’t, Gus. I’m in too deep.” I shook my head at the realization. “I hate what he’s doing to me but I love him. I love everything about him. I’ve tried to walk away, but it’s impossible. I pretend it’s not happening but the next thing I know his arms are wrapped around me and we’re screwing each other.”

  “She loves him.” He climbed on the barstool next to me.

  “I know that.” I nodded in agreement. “I’ve seen the way she looks at him. She’s the vilest person I’ve ever met, but I can see it in her eyes how she cares for him. But I love him too.”

  “She’s marrying him.” He threw another dose of reality my way.

  “What we have is different. I know it is.” I said it out loud to convince myself.

  “You have nothing, Braelynn.” It was rare that Gus would use my full name. “The only thing you two have is secrets and lies. You think it’s love. You believe that what you two share means more than his commitment to her. But he’s marrying her. The wedding date is set. She is probably picking out expensive china and bridesmaid’s dresses as we speak and you are here sulking over him.” I wiped the tears that dripped down my cheeks as Gus continued. “Your life has stopped moving like a statue, frozen in time, waiting until he shows up again.”