Contingent Page 10

  “Oh, try this!” Gus walked past me and pulled the cabinet door open. “I bought this Sleepytime herbal tea at Whole Foods the other day. I haven’t had a chance to try it yet, but Jon lives by it.”

  Gus handed me the paper packet and walked out of the kitchen. Putting the kettle on the stove, I stretched my arms over my head, my body aching for bed. I wasn’t going to turn down a good nights sleep when I was this exhausted. Five minutes later, I had finished half of my pint of ice cream when the kettle began to whistle.

  “Braelynn?” Gus asked, peeking his head back in the kitchen.

  “Yeah?”

  “Have you seen my keys? I thought they were in the fish bowl and now I can’t find them.”

  “No, I haven’t seen them.”

  “Fuck!” He stomped back to the living room. His cell phone began to ring, which I assumed was Jon waiting with the cab outside.

  “Gus, take mine. Don’t make him wait.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes, go. I’m not leaving the house tonight.” I had no plans. Sad as it was, my life now consisted of work and ice cream.

  Gus planted a kiss on my forehead before walking out the door. Jon waved from the cab before I locked the door behind me.

  After a long shower, I brewed myself another cup of tea and brought it to bed with me. I pulled my Kindle from my drawer and began to read, but by the third page my eyes were fuzzy and sleep had found my body.

  “So much for my late night erotic read,” I whispered, tossing the Kindle to the side.

  Restful sleep took over my body, bringing me to dreamland. My mind drifting to a place it had gone so many times before. Peyton. Not Haas, the man I was trying to hate, but Peyton.

  The man who had saved me . . .

  The man who had my heart . . .

  The man who I couldn’t live without.

  Shifting from one dream to another, they became more intense, more sexual . . .

  His hand brushed over my hair. “Peyton.” I heard myself moan.

  “I need you, Lynn.”

  My eyes opened.

  The light in my room remained off, but it was him.

  I lifted my hand towards him, tugging him towards me. I needed him. His body, his touch, his love. I needed it all.

  “Hi,” he said, sitting next to me. My mouth began to water. I wanted his lips on mine, I needed his hand over my body. I reached for his tie, loosening it around his neck.

  “I need you, Haas,” I said, repeating his words back to him. “Please.”

  His hand brushed past my cheek, wrapping around the nape of my neck and tugging on my hair so my neck was exposed. I whimpered, my growing desire for him intensifying. Haas brought his lips to mine. Electrical currents blasted through my body.

  “Please,” I begged between kisses.

  He stopped, his lips rested on mine. My tongue slid across his lips asking for permission. Haas’s hands wrapped under my shirt and around my body as he kissed me with hunger. The malt scotch taste on his tongue coated mine.

  My hands wrestled with his tie first then his shirt. I maneuvered on top of him and he didn’t speak; his hands gripped the side of my waist, pushing me down hard on his lap. My soft pajama bottoms slid against his pants, and his hard erection rubbed against my needy core. My breath was sharp as I maneuvered his shirt off his body. Peyton’s lips found my breast, his tongue swirling around my peaked nipple. Each second that passed, I grew wetter.

  Peyton lifted me off his lap, tossing me on the bed. Kicking my pajama pants off, he undid his, tossing them on the floor. My skin crawled with want. Chewing on my lips to keep calm, I watched as Peyton crawled on the bed. His fingertips grazed my leg working its way up my thighs. His thumb rubbed against my clit and my hands reached behind me, gripping the metal headboard.

  “You are so ready for me . . .”

  Rubbing my clit, he shifted his body until he was kneeling in front of me. Even in the semi-dark room I could make out his thick cock. Peyton pushed his tip in and my body became undone.

  Our moans became the music of our love.

  Peyton lowered himself, wrapping his hands around my body and bringing us closer together. His pace was slow and tender, savoring our time. It was though he was rocking me back to sleep. My body ached with pleasure, as if Haas had been buried deep inside of me for hours . . .

  I grunted when the alarm began to beep near my nightstand.

  “Ugh!”

  I turned to hit the snooze button for a few more minutes. I needed to have more dreams like that. Slamming my hand on the snooze button, I turned towards the other side of my bed. My throw pillows were scattered on the floor, and the sheets were pulled back and disheveled.

  I was naked.

  My body bolted up on the bed, my hands cupping my bare chest. I rubbed my fingers over my lips; they were tender from his kisses.

  Was it a dream? Oh God, was Haas here? Had I called him to come over?

  “Hello?” I called out to the empty house. Nothing.

  I crawled out of bed and grabbed my T-shirt from the ground. Tossing it over my head, his scent immediately suffocated me. I brought the cotton material to my nose. I wasn’t imagining it. His masculine, fresh scent was coiled in my shirt.

  I jogged through the house looking for him. For any sign of him. Nothing. I was alone in the empty house. The front door had been locked—both the bottom and deadbolt, locked. No one had been here. I walked back to the kitchen, taking a bottle of water from the fridge to calm my nerves. The tea bag sat at the bottom of my empty mug. Tossing it in the trash, I promised to never drink that hallucinating shit again.

  By the time I was showered, dressed for work, and waiting for my coffee to brew, I heard the lock on the front door. I was still a bit shaken up from my dream. Gus walked through the front door, a smile plastered on his face. “Morning, baby girl.”

  I laughed. “You look like you had a good night.”

  “One for the books.” Gus stretched his arms over his head before turning to drop my keys in the fishbowl by the front door.

  “Oh no, I need those.” I extended my hand for them.

  “Hey! You found my keys!” He took his set from the bowl.

  “I did?”

  “Well, they weren’t here when I left last night and now they are.” He held them between his fingers.

  “I have no idea. That tea you gave me . . . It does shit to people, Gus.”

  “What do you mean?” He chuckled as he sat on the couch.

  I checked the briefs in my tote and tossed it over my shoulder. “Let’s just say I woke up this morning with the same grin you have on your face right now.”

  “Freshly fucked?”

  “Exactly!” I walked towards the door. “I woke up naked, my muscles aching, except the house was empty.”

  “Some tea.” He laughed, pushing off the couch and heading towards the bathroom.

  By lunchtime, my nerves had calmed down a bit. I wasn’t thinking about the dream as much. Liar. I was closing my eyes and replaying the whole thing over and over. The vibration of my phone made me jump in my seat.

  Get a grip!

  I slid my finger along the screen and a new text message from Landon popped up.

  Landon: Saturday 3PM okay?

  Me: Depends on what you have planned? ;)

  It had to be the effects of the damn dream that had me replying in this manner.

  Landon: Well, if that’s the case I might need you all day ;)

  My mind reading the subtext of the text I replied.

  Me: So you can go all day . . . impressive. ;)

  Landon: I can go a lot longer than a day . . . but you might need to rest.

  What the fuck was I doing? Getting a grip on reality, I texted him one last time.

  Me: ’ll see you Saturday. 3PM works great!

  I walked back from lunch with my salad and water in one hand and a chocolate bar in the other. When I stepped inside of my office, I froze mid-step. Haas s
at on the edge of my desk waiting for me. His pinstriped suit, hugged his body, and his hair was longer. I wanted to run my fingers through his thick, silky hair. I swallowed the semi-chewed piece of chocolate and regained my composure. I cleared my throat as though I wasn’t affected by his presence and strolled to my desk.

  “What are you doing here?” I tossed my salad bin on my desk.

  “You and Landon are getting cozy.” Haas played with the cufflinks on his shirt, his gaze on his hands. His voice was sultry when he spoke. I held my breath, the goose bumps on my skin rising.

  “Why are you worried about me?”

  “I don’t want you to see him again.” He looked up, his eyes locking on mine, demanding. Not asking.

  I swallowed the golf-sized lump in my throat. There was so much I wanted to say to him. So many questions but I was drained. How much longer could he and I continue doing this? “What do you want me to do, Haas? Do you want me to never look at another man again, because you decided to show up at my house late at night?” He stood with his eyes low focusing on the ground. “You’re engaged to another woman, but here you are again worrying about me and someone else. You chose this. You can’t have us both.” Anger consumed me, my fists balled at my sides at the thought of Devon near him. “You want me to beg? Fine. I’m asking you to choose me. Leave her and be with me. Come back to me, come home.” My voice cracked, tears of hurt embedded in my eyes.

  Haas walked towards me. “Lynn . . .—“

  “No, pick me!” I swatted his hand away. I wanted to be his first choice. His only choice, not the contingent.

  “I can’t,” he whispered.

  With my emotions scattered all over the place, I had begged, literately pleaded for him to come back to me, but still he couldn’t. Wouldn’t. “Then get the fuck out of my life and leave me the hell alone.” I looked up at him, tears falling down my cheeks.

  “I can’t do that either.” His head bowed. “I’ve tried to stay away and give you time to heal, but I can’t find it in me to let you go.”

  “Why can’t you let me go, after you told me you’d had enough? Is it just the sex? Why just let me.” I wiped my tear stained cheeks, swallowing back my emotions. “I need you to let me go. I can’t keep living like this. It’s too hard.”

  “I know. I’ll try,” he admitted, sorrow coursing through his eyes. It was the first time I truly looked at him. He looked different, tired. As though he hadn’t slept.

  “To let me go?”

  “No . . . To leave you alone. I can try to leave you alone, but I can’t ever let you go.”

  My hands rushed to my chest. It felt as though my heart would explode at any second. “But you can still marry her?”

  “It’s complicated.” Haas began to move towards the door. I turned away.

  I couldn’t watch him walk out on me. Again. It was as if he knew I wanted to move on from him, as if his mind were in tune with my heart. I took one step forward to move on and he waltzed back in dragging me three steps back.

  Braelynn

  The following weekend, my doorbell rang at precisely 2:55 PM.

  Landon was punctual and I was a nervous wreck.

  I had canceled with him the Saturday before. When Haas showed up at my office, he’d left me in a state of despair, so I had made up an excuse about a last minute meeting and postponed our date until the following weekend. A week of no communication with Haas, four therapy sessions, and a few extra nights in the gym, meant my gutted emotions were now filled with anger and hate.

  I had begged him to stay, asked him to pick me over her and still he couldn’t do it. Exhausted from being his yo-yo, I decided it was time for a change.

  I enjoyed Landon’s company, and there was no other way to get over a man then to fill his spot with someone else. My only fear was that Landon was expecting something from me. Something that I had teased about.

  Sex.

  But I wasn’t sure if it was what I wanted, especially with him, and I didn’t want to lead him on. Yes, I was turned on by Landon. He was sexy, muscular and a professional athlete so, of course, I found him appealing. But could I sleep with him? That was the million-dollar question. After I’d learned the truth about Drew, Haas and I had worked our way back into the bedroom. Sex was different for me now; it only felt right with Haas.

  Shoving my chewed fingernails, due to the anxiety of his arrival, in my pockets, I jogged down the hallway at the sound of the doorbell. It was our third date¸ so I’d dressed in a cute top, skintight jeans and wedges. My hair, curled and natural, cascaded over my shoulder. Simple with a hint of sexy. Taking a deep breath, I took my purse off the couch.

  “Should I wait up for you?” Gus asked. He was leaning on the doorframe that connected the kitchen and living room.

  “Of course, why wouldn’t you?”

  A devilish grin appeared on his face. “Well, this is date number three, baby girl, and you’re dressed like you need a good headboard banging.” Gus waved his spoon towards my body.

  “Gustavo!”

  “I’m just saying.” He tossed his hands in the air. “Maybe if you scratched that itch, you wouldn’t be having wet dreams.”

  Walking over to the front door I looked back at him, “Zip it!” I pressed my fingers together as I dragged them along my lips like a zipper. I turned the door handle and was greeted by a delectable Landon. His back rested on the railing as he waited for me. His hair, the color of hazelnuts, shined in the sun. He had on a fresh white T-shirt and jeans, and his luscious and masculine cologne enfolded around my sense of smell.

  He looked fucking hot.

  I didn’t know if it was Gus’s comment about the wet dream, but I instantly felt my body warm.

  “Ready?” he asked when he caught me staring. His hand extended out to me as he laughed.

  “Uh . . . yeah, sorry.” I wove my hand with his and brought it to his lips.

  “You look stunning, Braelynn.” I loved the way my name escaped through his succulent lips.

  My hand stayed locked with his as he led me down to his car. He pulled back the passenger door to the car and I climbed in. Once he was inside, Landon handed me his iPod. “Pick your poison.”

  Though I loved dancing, and anything with a catchy beat was good for me, I couldn’t remember the last time I’d actually listened to music. I clicked his most recently played and let him assume I liked what he liked.

  Landon drove out of Manhattan and towards New Jersey. We talked about his baseball career and his love for his mother who had worked two jobs to put him through school. A little over an hour had passed before he pulled into a parking lot. Focused on our conversation I hadn’t paid attention to where we were going. I looked out the window of the car and saw carnival rides, tents and a Ferris wheel.

  “Where are we? I asked smiling. “Is this a fair?” I swiveled my head back to him.

  Landon put the car in park. “You seem excited.” He chuckled and turned the car off and reached for the door.

  I followed him out of the car. “I haven’t been to a fair in years.” I couldn’t mask the excitement in my voice. Loren would bring me to state fairs when I was a kid. It was the only time she didn’t care if I consumed everything with sugar.

  “Well, we can start on one side and work our way through.” Landon extended his hand out for me to grasp. Like a twelve-year-old child, I skipped, thrilled that I’d be spending the afternoon eating deep fried food, going on rides and playing carnival games.

  Landon and I walked towards the go-karts. He pulled me closer to him as we approached the entrance. His arm draped around my shoulder and I coiled my hand around his waist. They way he acted around me was natural, like there was no hesitation in what he wanted.

  Once Landon bought us our tickets we stood in line until the previous riders were done. I was itching to drive.

  “Do you want to share a car?” Landon pointed to the go-kart that had a passenger seat next to it.

  “Hell no!” I turned so my
back was facing him.

  His arms enfolded around my body, his face resting on my shoulder, and my breath caught in my chest. “Don’t be upset when all you see are my tail lights,” he whispered in my ear.

  If I turned around our bodies would line up flushed against one another. “Hopefully it won’t bruise your ego when you get beaten by a girl.” I giggled and twirled to face him.

  Landon kept his hands around my body as his laughter vibrated between us. I inhaled and stepped away from him when the go-kart attendant pulled back the metal gate for me.

  Once I was strapped into the yellow kart, I revved my engine. Landon and I were lined up next to each other behind two other cars. Landon revved his engine back at me, winking in the process.

  “Care to make this interesting?” he shouted over the gas pumping motor.

  “I don’t want to take your money.”

  The attendant walked over, securing the safety harness. After the attendant had checked his harness as well, Landon shouted, “If I win—”

  “You’re not winning, buddy!” I stuck my tongue out at him.

  The music began to rise from the speakers and the lights began to flash.

  Red.

  Yellow.

  Green.

  I slammed my foot on the gas, tailing the driver in front of me. Landon was right next to me doing the same to the person in front of him. Once we were out of the starting location, the track opened up and I immediately cut off the driver in front of me. Passing the dad who was driving his kid, I noticed Landon had done the same and we were neck and neck. The first curve appeared towards our right side, putting Landon in the lead. I banged my hand on the steering wheel, willing the kart to speed up.

  By the second lap, Landon was still ahead of me. I heard him shout back at me that he was winning. My competitive, obsessed with winning, attitude immediately took over. When we were at the last curve before starting the third and final lap, I edged my kart next to his. Turning the steering wheel, I pressed his kart to the edge of the track, forcing him to brake. Landon stayed back as my kart moved forward.

  “Cheater!” he shouted.